


Boys are Stupid, Throw Rocks at Them

by CydSA



Category: American Idol RPF
Genre: M/M
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2012-08-03
Updated: 2012-08-03
Packaged: 2017-11-11 08:26:32
Rating: Mature
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 11,557
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/476576
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/CydSA/pseuds/CydSA
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>Some Kind of Wonderful HS!AU….IDK….Where Kris is gay and then he’s bi and wants to date Katy and asks Adam to help him. And Adam pines and helps him anyway.</p>
            </blockquote>





	Boys are Stupid, Throw Rocks at Them

**Author's Note:**

  * For [Mozgurl](https://archiveofourown.org/users/Mozgurl/gifts).



On Monday morning, Kris Allen broke Adam Lambert’s heart. Officially.

Adam glared at Kris. “You are seriously not going out with that preppy, happy, cheerleading peroxided bimbo?”

Kris propped his fists on his hips. “So what if I am?” he demanded. “Katy’s a cool chick.”

Adam flung his hands out. “Precisely! She’s a **GIRL**!” He announced it in capital letters just in case Kris was confused or unsure.

Kris scowled. “I like girls,” he folded his arms defensively.

“You like boys, you fucker!” Adam shouted.

“And girls!” Kris yelled back.

Adam stared. “Since when?” his voice broke, utterly betrayed.

Kris mumbled something under his breath. 

“What was that?” Adam asked.

“Since the Harvest Ball,” Kris said and his face was challenging.

“Oh,” Adam took a deep breath. “Thanks for telling me.”

“It wasn’t …” Kris stopped.

“Any of my business?” Adam finished.

Kris went white. “No, Adam, that’s not…” 

Adam held up a hand. “Fuck you, Kristopher,” he said in the most pleasant tone he could drum up. “Seriously, _Fuck_. _You_.”

Adam spun on his heel and stalked off, blinking rapidly to stop the tears that were threatening.

“Who made you cry and where is he so I can kick his ass?” Brad demanded when Adam came into the music room. His skinny arms came up in fists and he looked totally prepared. A light breeze would blow him over.

Adam flung himself down onto a chair and took a shaky breath. “Kris,” he said eventually and could practically hear Brad’s eye roll.

“Of course it’s our resident cock tease,” he muttered.

“He’s going on a date with Katy O’Connell,” Adam added.

Brad’s eyes almost bugged out. “But he’s gay!” he protested.

“I know that. You know that. But it would seem that Kris thinks he’s bisexual now.” Adam sounded bitter because he felt bitter. Kris had been his best friend since kindergarten when Kris had been the youngest in the class, timid and confused at the early admission. 

Adam and Brad had adopted him and kept him ever since. Sort of like a tiny little pocket-sized mascot. And then he’d grown up perfect. Perfect for Adam that is.

“You waited too long, petal,” Brad turned back to his nails. He was painting them a sort of orange-red that looked like pumpkin blood.

“He’s my best friend!” Adams hands flailed out. “I don’t want to risk losing him.”

Brad lifted an eyebrow and Adam idly wondered if he’d acquired a new beautician because they were seriously impressive eyebrows.

“So you’re okay with losing him to a blonde vagina in a cheerleader’s uniform?”

Put like that…

“No,” Adam admitted. “But he’s only been single for about a minute!” He wanted to rail at the universe for its complete and utter failure.

Brad shrugged. “You snooze, you lose, petal.”

Adam flipped him off and slouched in the seat when the rest of the class clattered in. “I only have five more months of this torture and then it’s over,” he grumbled.

“Have you told our boy that you’re not going to Los Angeles with him?”

Adam scowled. “The subject hasn’t come up,” he said.

“Denial is not just a river in Egypt,” Brad quipped and then Ms. Abdul called them to order.

Kris slipped into the seat next to Adam just as she began the roll call.

Adam pretended that he was invisible.

Kris nudged his ankle with the toe of his ratty Converse.

Adam shifted his legs out of reach.

Kris started playing a drum solo with his pencil and ruler.

Adam scooted his chair so that he was almost on top of Brad.

Brad poked him in the arm.

Adam scooted his chair back with a black glare at Brad.

Kris started whistling beneath his breath.

Ms. Abdul threw a wad of paper at him.

It hit him on the nose.

Kris yelped and protested child abuse.

Adam grinned.

Kris grinned back.

They were okay. Ish.

*************  
 **TUESDAY**

Adam tried to pretend that it was not four days before the big **Katy-Date** as Adam was calling it in his head at the moment. 

After school, Kris came over to his house. He came down the stairs to the basement apartment that Adam had called his own for his senior year. “Help,” Kris whined.

Adam lifted his eyes from the fascinating book he was reading. “Thank God,” he breathed. “You’ve come to save me from Ann Rynd.”

Kris frowned. “Who’s she?”

Adam threw the book down. “Only the book I have to read for my English Lit class and it’s making my teeth and brain hurt.”

“Does that mean it’s sweet?” Kris asked with a grin.

“It means it’s _hard_ ,” Adam replied and Kris went a little pink. “But enough about me, what’s up?”

“I have no idea how to go on a date with a girl,” Kris blurted.

Adam felt the pain return to his teeth. This time caused by the clenching of his jaw. “That’s because you’re gay and have only dated guys,” he told Kris.

“’S why I need help,” Kris reasoned.

“Go ask a girl,” Adam said.

“I’m asking _you_ ,” Kris insisted.

Adam’s shoulders slumped. “I’m so earning brownie points in heaven for this,” he muttered.

“You’re Jewish,” Kris reminded him. “You don’t believe in heaven.”

“I also don’t believe that I need to sacrifice a bull and then run to the city of refuge for manslaughter,” Adam said.

“What?” Kris asked.

Adam shook his head. “What do you need help with?” he asked instead.

“Um,” Kris looked up at him from under long eyelashes. “Everything?”

Adam flopped back onto the bed with a groan and thumped a pillow over his face. “I hate you so much.”

“What?” Kris asked again.

Adam sighed and moved the pillow away. “Nothing. Where were you planning on taking her?”

Kris looked like a deer caught in the headlights. “Um,” he said again.

Adam groaned. “You are a total waste of oxygen, Allen.”

Kris grinned. “You love me anyway, Lambert.”

“It’s my only imperfection,” Adam lamented agreeably.

Kris snorted. “You wish.”

He yelped when Adam lunged for him and ruthlessly found the ticklish spots along his ribcage and under his arms that had been discovered over years of experience. “I am made of so much awesome, you just wish I loved you.” 

Kris laughed so hard that he started coughing. He lay helpless on the bed as Adam tickled him. 

“Boys!” Leila Lambert called from the top of the stairs. “Don’t break anything or it will come out of your allowance!” 

Adam sat back, pleased with himself. Kris stayed down, arms and legs splayed and loose and Adam thought that God was punishing him for all of the times he’d skipped synagogue because of music theatre.

“I hate you,” Kris wheezed.

“Pfft,” Adam tried to swallow his tongue. “You know I’m going to be the most enduring relationship of your life.” It came out less snarky than he’d intended and Kris blinked.

“Adam?” he asked.

Adam launched himself off the bed and started pacing. “Okay, so you’ve asked the head cheerleader out on a date and you’re not sure where to take her…” he ignored Kris’ questioning gaze as he walked around his room. “Where to go, where to go…”

“Adam,” Kris tried again. He climbed off the bed and stood in front of Adam, preventing him from continuing his walking. “What’s going on, man? Ever since I told you about Katy you’ve been weird with me.”

Adam shook his head. “Nothing’s wrong,” he assured Kris. “I was just a little surprised.” He hoped that the casual tone he went for was successful.

Kris looked doubtful. “I dunno,” he said. “It’s the first time we’ve hung out since then.”

Adam knew what Kris meant. They’d been a part of each other’s lives for so long it was unusual for them to spend even one afternoon apart.

“I’ve been busy,” he retorted. “I’ve got the lead in the school musical and I really need to work on my part.”

“Seriously?” Kris beamed at him. “You’re Tony?” Then he frowned. “And you’re only telling me now?”

Adam shrugged. “You’ve had other things on your mind.” Like girls and girl sex.

“I’ve always had time for you, man.” Kris sounded betrayed. “Lead in _West Side Story_ is a big deal.”

Adam shrugged again. “There wasn’t really anybody else who could do it.” Adam knew he sang better than anyone else at school. It had only taken a couple of bars and he’d got the part.

Kris scowled. “Like there is anyone else as awesome as you,” he scoffed. Adam felt a little warmth in his chest that had been missing for a while.

Then he remembered Katy O’Connell. “So do you have any idea what you’re going to do?”

Kris looked glum. “I’m used to guys, you know?” he waved a hand. Adam knew alright. He’d already been through the heartbreak of Kris dating every available guy at school but him.

“You’ve been working with her on your science project for a couple of weeks. Surely you know what she likes.” Adam waited for Kris to tell him something that made Katy not perfect. Anything. 

Kris sighed. “She’s so smart,” he said, all moony-eyed. 

Adam wanted to kick him again. “What do you guys talk about then?”

“I dunno,” Kris shrugged. “Stuff.”

Adam bit his tongue trying not to say something mean. He doubted Kris appreciated the effort. “Stuff?” he repeated. “What sort of stuff.”

Kris’ eyes went shifty. “You know, stuff,” he mumbled. “She tells me about her cheers and she’s taught me a _lot_ about fashion.”

“And yet here you are, in plaid,” Adam mourned. “What about dinner and a movie?” he suggested.

Kris shook his head. “No, that’s just boring.”

“Kris, you wear plaid like a uniform,” Adam pointed out. “Boring is your middle name.”

Kris flipped him off. “It’s Neil, actually,” he said in a lofty tone and they grinned at each other.

“Don’t try too hard,” Adam advised. “It’ll look desperate, like you’re trying to impress her.”

“What if I am?” Kris asked.

Adam’s heart sank. “Well, then buy her a pair of fucking diamond earrings and rent a limousine!” he snapped.

Kris’ eyes brightened. “That’s a pretty cool idea,” he tapped his chin thoughtfully. “Do you think she’d know the difference between diamonds and cubic zirconium?”

Adam threw him out.

*************  
 **WEDNESDAY**

He ignored Kris’ messages for the next day until eventually Neil stomped down to his room. 

“Asswipe, talk to your fucking boyfriend or I will end you.” He thrust his phone at Adam who stared at it as though it would bite.

“I don’t have a boyfriend,” Adam pointed out.

Neil rolled his eyes dramatically and Adam thought that Brad might have been giving him lessons. Brad and Neil working together could possibly destroy the world. “Kris says he’s been trying to call you but it keeps going to voicemail.”

Adam still didn’t take the phone. 

“If you don’t sort your shit out, I will tell the entire school that you’re a natural ginger,” Neil threatened.

Adam took the phone.

“What?” he barked.

There was silence on the other side and then Kris said, “Adam?”

Adam sighed. “Hey Kris,” he said.

“Are you avoiding me?” Kris asked, going straight for the jugular.

Adam flinched, thankful that Kris couldn’t see his face go pale. “No,” he lied.

“Ha!” Kris shouted. “You lie like the worst lying thing ever!” 

Adam scowled. “I am a _great_ liar,” he told Kris. “I am an **_actor_**.”

“Why are you avoiding me?” Kris demanded, dog after a bone.

“I’m working on my application to NYADA,” Adam told him.

“But,” Kris paused. 

“What?” Adam asked but his shoulders were tight with nerves.

“We’re supposed to be going to LA together,” Kris’ voice was small. “Share an apartment, be hungry artists on the streets.”

“Well, I guess things have changed since you decided that you prefer girls.” Adam felt mean. Which made absolutely no sense to anyone. Not even Adam. But still.

“Oh my god, you fucking hypocrite!” Adam could hear the rage. “You preach about being liberal and not judging people, but you’re just as judgmental as any conservative right-winger in your own way.”

Adam switched the phone off. He really hated Kris right now.

He hated even worse that Kris was right.

*************  


 

The day before the **Great Date** , as Adam referred to it in the pettiest part of his mind, he pulled up in front of Kris’ house. 

It was a vacation day at school. Something to do with the teachers. Adam hadn’t paid attention once they’d announced that today was a holiday. He had plans for Kris. If Kris was speaking to him.

Kim Allen opened the door and she didn’t smile her usual smile at him. “Hello, Adam.” Her greeting sounded terribly formal.

“Hi Mrs. A,” Adam tried to smile but he knew he probably looked sick. “Is Kris home?”

She stepped back silently and Adam took the unspoken invitation and came inside. 

“You’ve been scarce,” Kim said. Totally making Adam feel like the shit under her shoe. Mrs. A had always had just the right way of saying something that made you feel like you were a badly behaved toddler.

“Yeah,” Adam barely stopped himself from scuffing his toe on the mat. “We’re having some issues, me and Kris.”

“Kris and I,” she corrected.

“That’s what I said,” Adam looked at her and relaxed when he saw her eyes had softened.

“He’s pretty mad at you,” she told him.

Adam rubbed the back of his neck. “He’s going out with Katy O’Connell,” he told her.

Kim nodded. “I know, sweetie, I was as surprised as you.” He followed her into the kitchen where she poured him a glass of iced tea. “I was waiting for you to make your move, to be perfectly honest.”

Adam threw his hands up in the air. “Does _everyone_ know how I feel about him?” he asked.

She smiled then. “No dear, only those of us who love you.”

“How you feel about who?” Behind him, Kris sounded colder than Adam had ever heard him.

Adam tensed up again and turned slowly to look at him. “Nobody,” Adam said. And it was the absolute wrong thing to say because Kris looked furious.

“What are you doing here?” he asked, not taking his eyes off Adam.

“I…” Adam waved a hand weakly. “I came to offer my help and to say I’m sorry for being such an asshole.” He yelped when Mrs. A cuffed him across the back of his head. “Sorry, ma’am,” he said with a sheepish grin.

Kris stared at him and Adam felt like he was trying to get inside his brain or something equally creepy. “You’re not forgiven.”

“Kristopher Neil Allen!” Kim exclaimed and Kris stuck out his jaw.

“Yet,” he clarified. “You’re going to have to earn it.”

Adam’s heart gave an embarrassing little skip of glee. He was already golden. Now just to make sure the date went so horribly wrong that Kris could only turn to him for comfort.

He followed Kris up to his room, surreptitiously admiring his ass.

“You checkin’ out my ass, Lambert?” Kris asked without turning around.

Adam grinned. “It’s a very nice ass, Allen, I’m not gonna lie.”

Kris flipped him off and pushed his room door open.

Adam stared in horror. “This is where bad clothes go to die,” he intoned.

Kris punched him in the shoulder. “Ow!” Adam rubbed his arm. “Fucker.”

“I’m having a few problems with choosing my outfit for tomorrow night,” Kris admitted, looking around.

“Your plaid has had babies and has infested your room,” Adam declared. “Did you buy this on purpose?” he held up a red and purple shirt. He swore he could see a frog in the design when he squinted his eyes and tilted his head a little to the left.

“Shut up,” Kris told him, but he was smiling. He waved a hand at the devastation. “So. What do I wear?”

Adam cast a critical eye over the mountain of checks and stripes in every possible color combination. “How have I stayed friends with you?” There was absolutely nothing that looked remotely presentable.

Kris snorted. “We’re like the yin and yang of the schoolyard, dude. What I lack, you make up for.” He grinned and his eyes danced. “In spades.”

Adam gave a small giggle. “True dat, Kristopher.”

Kris stared at him. “Do _not_ try to talk street, okay Adam?” he begged. “It sounds wrong in any language.”

Adam tried to look offended but he couldn’t hold his frown and laughed. “Fine,” he said and propped his hands on his hips. “Kris, you have nothing to wear. We need to go shopping!”

Kris’ eyes went wide with horror. “Oh no!” he started backing away. “I know what happens to people who go shopping with you, man. I am **not** Julia Roberts!” 

“I’ll just get money from your mother then,” Adam declared and turned to the doorway. “And she’ll make you wear whatever I buy.”

“You’ll get something in pink, won’t you?” Kris hissed, eyes narrowed.

Adam raised a shoulder in a shrug. “I’ve seen some things in Cassidy’s store that have your name written all over them.” He paused dramatically. “In glitter.”

“Oh my god, you evil, petty man!” Kris yelped.

“The choice is yours baby. Shop with or without me; I’m getting you some new duds.” Adam allowed himself a tiny smile that infuriated Kris.

“Fine, I’ll come with you, but there are some rules.” Kris made a small noise when Adam grabbed his hand and started towing him down the stairs.

“No pink, no glitter, no spandex!” Adam sang out as he wiggled his fingers at Mrs. A.

“What...?” she called after them.

“Makeover time!” Adam yelled back and she beamed at him.

“At last!” She waved them off.

“Save me, Mama!” Kris wailed.

“It’s for your own good, honey,” she told him. Adam adored her and blew her a kiss with his free hand. The other he kept wrapped around Kris’ wrist. He was a slippery little fucker and would wriggle away if Adam gave him the chance.

*************

Adam reckoned that if he didn’t have his voice then he’d be a professional shopper. For the stars. Shopping was a religious experience for him. It was torture for Kris. The drag of his feet, the droop of his shoulders and the pout of his bottom lip were all fairly expressive indicators of how much he did _not_ want to be here.

Adam ruthlessly ignored him and towed him into Cassidy’s boutique, **Gemini**. His designer friend was staring at a half-dressed mannequin, a dreamy expression on his face. Adam had a brief moment of concern.

“Hey Cass,” Adam called.

Cassidy blinked and looked over at them. “Adam?” he sounded unsure.

“It’s a 911!” Adam told him and shoved Kris at him.

Cassidy snapped to attention. “You’re giving him to me?” he breathed and Adam scowled.

“No, you moron, I’m letting you make him over.” Honestly, everyone and his dog had a hard-on for Kris and it was starting to piss Adam off.

Cassidy sighed dramatically. “The Lord giveth, and the Lord taketh away.”

Kris gave a little gulp and backed up against Adam. “Don’t you _dare_ leave me alone with him,” he hissed out of the side of his mouth. 

Adam dropped his hands on Kris’ shoulders. “Our baby is experimenting,” he told Cassidy, “with girls.”

Cassidy clutched his chest. “He’s gone over to the dark side?” he asked.

Kris crowded closer. “He’s crazy,” he told Adam. “Why do you have crazy people for friends?”

Adam dug his fingers into Kris’ collarbone. “I’m friends with you,” he reminded him.

“I’m normal!” Kris protested and Adam raised an eyebrow. “I am,” Kris insisted.

“Gay for eighteen years and now you want to date a girl?” Adam asked.

“I’m eighteen,” Kris said and tilted his chin. “That is totally normal.”

Cassidy had started walking around them in a wide circle, tapping his lips and muttering something under his breath.

“Can you do _anything_ with him?” Adam waited.

Cassidy squared his shoulders. “There is so much plaid,” he said woefully and Adam grinned.

“You should see his room,” he told Cassidy. “It’s where all bad plaid goes to die.”

Cassidy shuddered a little. “Don’t,” he held up a hand. “This is enough to inspire nightmares for months.” He flapped a hand at Kris.

“Oh come on!” Kris propped his fists on his hips. “Don’t you think you’re exaggerating just a little?”

Cassidy looked at him and shook his head. “The tragedy of it all is that you think there is nothing wrong with your outfit.”

“But there isn’t!” Kris objected. “It’s easy to wear and I don’t have to think about matching and shit.”

Cassidy’s eyes were tragic when they met Adam’s. “How have you managed all these years?” he asked.

Adam sighed. “I got him before I realized just how bad he was and by the time I did,” he shrugged, “it was too late and I was stuck with him.”

“Hey!” Kris turned and poked a finger into Adam’s chest. “I’m not…” he stopped and narrowed his eyes. “Oh. My. God,” he breathed. “You utter, utter bitch, Lambert!”

Adam beamed at him. “Shut up and let me play,” Adam said and spun him back around and shoved him towards Cassidy. 

“Adam,” Kris whined when Cassidy grabbed his wrist and started pulling him towards the dressing-rooms.

Adam wiggled his fingers. “Go and be a butterfly!’ he declared.

“I’m not a worm!” Kris shouted back at him as he disappeared from sight.

Adam headed out for a non-fat cappuccino. He _so_ deserved it for being the most amazing friend in the history of the world.

*************

Cassidy sent him a text message about an hour later. All it said was an ominous, “we’re done”, and Adam wondered how difficult Kris had been.

He walked back into Gemini and looked around for Kris and Cassidy. He spotted Cassidy with the mannequin again. Adam wondered if there was anything inappropriate going on. He was never quite sure with Cassidy.

“Where is he?” Adam asked and Cassidy turned to look at him.

“Who?” Cassidy asked and Adam resisted the urge to strangle him with his own glittery scarf.

“Kris Allen, my best friend?” Adam prompted. “The guy I left with you an hour ago?” Cassidy still appeared confused. “Plaid boy!” Adam shouted.

“Oh!” Cassidy smiled. “He left.”

Adam gaped at him. “What?”

Cassidy waved a hand. “He told me that he couldn’t wait anymore and left.” 

Adam opened his mouth and then closed it. Arguing with Cassidy was like spitting in the wind. Fruitless and usually fairly messy.

He turned and headed out to hunt Kris down. He sent a quick text as he looked up and down the street. _where are you?_

His phone buzzed a moment later. _I hate you and I’m never talking to you again_

_WHERE ARE YOU?_

_In the car. I look ridiculous._

Adam went around back to where he’d parked and saw just the top of a messy head of hair over the dashboard. He grinned.

“It can’t be that bad,” he said as he climbed into the driver’s side. Then he stared.

“It’s soooo bad,” Kris moaned, hiding his face in his hands. “I can’t breathe, man.”

Adam could well believe it. Cassidy had poured Kris into a pair of black jeans that clung to him like mercury. The t-shirt was a plain white v-neck but it fitted across Kris’ chest, emphasizing the muscles developed from years of baseball and swimming.

“Say something!” Kris demanded. “It’s bad, right?”

Adam swallowed over a suddenly dry throat. “Um,” he said.

Kris threw up his hands. “This is why I never let you do this shit to me!” he plucked at the shirt and it slicked back quickly against his chest. “I look like not-me!”

“It’s jeans and a t-shirt, Kristopher,” Adam suddenly found his voice. “Not leather and lace.”

“It may as well be!” Kris pointed a finger. “And he made me take a jacket!” This was declared in a tone that suggested Cassidy had given Kris a dildo. 

“Oh no!” Adam decided that sarcasm and keeping it light was the only way he was going to get out of this with any dignity intact. “How awful! A jacket!”

“Fuck you!” Kris said and then he cracked up. “I’m being stupid, aren’t I?”

Adam felt the tension leave his shoulders. “Just a little, baby,” he agreed, holding up his thumb and forefinger.

Kris sighed. “I feel weird,” he admitted.

“You look amazing,” Adam assured him. 

“Yeah?” Kris slanted a look up at him through long eyelashes and Adam lamented the fact that he was now hardwired to find everything that Kris Allen did adorable and/or fascinating. His life officially sucked monkey nuts.

“Yeah,” Adam sighed and started the car. “Katy will think you’re hot.”

“You think I’m hot?” Kris asked and Adam bit his lip. 

“I said Katy,” he repeated.

“But you think I look hot, right?” Kris seemed determined to push this.

“Fine!” Adam put the car in reverse and refused to look at Kris. “You look hot. Are you happy?”

Kris sat back in the seat with a pleased sound. “Yeah,” he said and Adam started planning his slow and painful death. Kris so deserved to die for being such a little cocktease. Even if he didn’t know that he was. Which sucked even more.

“So now what?” Kris asked. “What’s the next step of the Adam Lambert make-over technique?”

Adam smiled. “You’re getting your hair done,” he told Kris.

“Oh, no freaking way!” Kris scrabbled at the car door and Adam pressed the safety lock. “Adam!” Kris howled. “Lemme outta here! There’s nothing wrong with my hair!”

“No,” Adam agreed, “If having your hair look like you cut it with a weed whacker is okay.”

“My momma cuts my hair,” Kris muttered and folded his arms when he realized that he couldn’t escape. Adam did _not_ look at the muscles of Kris’ arms rippling beneath the tight shirt sleeves.

“I love your mom, Kris, but she can’t cut hair for shit.” Adam pulled up in front of his mom’s salon. “Mine, on the other hand…”

Kris clambered out of the car after him. “She made you look like a cockatoo last year for homecoming,” he reminded Adam.

“All part of my plan,” Adam declared loftily. A bell rang cheerfully when he pushed the door to ‘Curl Up & Dye’ open. “Hi Mom,” he called.

Leila Lambert looked up with a smile. “Hey baby,” her smile went brighter. “Kris! I haven’t seen you in ages.”

“That’s ‘cause Kris has decided that he’s straight now,” Adam informed her and yelped when Kris pinched the skin at his waist. Hard.

“Oh?” Leila looked confused. “That’s…new.”

Kris scowled at Adam and gave Leila a hug and a kiss on her cheek. “He’s being a dick about it,” he said.

Leila looked at Adam who shrugged. “Don’t ask me,” he waved a hand. “He’s all about experimenting.”

“You’re such a petty bitch sometimes, Adam, you know?” Kris’ eyes went dark and angry and Adam realized that he’d better dial back the drama.

“Anyhoo,” he said before Kris could call him anything else, “Kris is getting a make-over today.” He pointed at Kris. “Cassidy has dressed him and now it’s your turn to do something with his hair.”

Leila grinned. “At last!” she declared and called over her shoulder, “Brad, I need you to wash someone!”

“Oh god,” Kris groaned and Adam felt a mean sort of pleasure. Brad was going to completely abuse this situation.

“You bellowed?” Brad came out of the back of the salon and stopped when he saw Kris and Adam. “Adam won’t let me touch his hair,” he stated.

“And we all know why,” Adam glared at Brad who beamed sunnily at him. “Asshole.”

“Adam,” Leila said, warning clear in her tone.

“Then I get to put my hands on the oh-so-adorable Kris Allen,” Brad deduced and a look of pure unadulterated evil glee came over his sharp face. “Don’t you look edible in your new clothes?” His grin was all teeth. “This _is_ my lucky day.”

Kris said something filthy and probably illegal in about forty states and turned to scowl at Adam. “I’m gonna make you pay for this if it’s the last thing I do,” he promised. Adam totally believed him.

“Highlights?” Leila asked, eyes bright with delight at the prospect of a new victim.

“The works,” Adam told her. “He needs all the help he can get if he’s going out with a girl.”

“I hereby revoke our friendship and I’m going to get laser treatment to remove our blood brother scar,” Kris told him, mouth tight and eyes stormy.

 _I can take him_ , Adam thought and fled.

*************

Adam crept back into the shop two hours later when Leila called to let him know it was safe.

Kris was sitting in one of the loungers reserved for long-suffering spouses and children waiting for Leila’s clients. He looked up when the bells chimed.

Adam thought he may have made a small noise. And drooled just a little.

Kris’ hair looked as though the sun was touching the ends, light gold and sort of spiky. 

“And?” Kris asked, a challenging glint in his eye.

“It’s an improvement,” Adam hedged and met his mother’s gaze. She smiled, a flash of sympathy crossing her face.

“I’m done?” Kris stood up, dropping the _Cosmopolitan_ magazine he’d been paging through onto the table.

Adam noted that one of the articles was entitled, “How to land that man” and wondered if he should borrow it because he was obviously in need of some kind of help.

“Adam?” Kris poked him. “Can we go now?”

Brad called from the back of the salon, “I would cover him with a curtain or something, petal. He’s that hot right now. Fuck, _I’d_ do him!”

Kris went pale. “Never in a million!” he shouted back. “You’re so not my type.”

“Dick is your type,” Brad yelled. “I’m still not sure what your intention is with vag.”

Adam pushed Kris out of the door before he could do any damage to Brad.

“He’s a terrible person,” Kris told him as he climbed into Adam’s car.

“His mouth is usually engaged before his brain is in gear,” Adam admitted as they set off.

“Please tell me we’re done now?” Kris begged.

Adam glanced at him, perfect Kris all gold and cute and packaged just right. “One more stop,” he said instead. He ignored Kris’ pathetic groan.

*************

Cook’s was quiet this time of the day and Kris raised an eyebrow when Adam pulled up in front of the town’s only gay bar. “Seriously?” 

“Shut up and learn, my young grasshopper,” Adam told him and waved at Cook who had just opened the door. 

“Yo, Lame-bert,” Cook called, his name an old jibe used now with affection.

“Fuck you, Cock!” Adam called back with a grin.

“I think Archie would kill you,” Cook said and headed inside, Adam and Kris at his heels.

“He’s not so tough,” Adam said.

“Who’s not so tough?” Archie, Cook’s boyfriend, materialized next to Adam. 

“Kris,” Adam said immediately. Archie was a fucking ninja who could kill with his pinkie.

“Uh-huh,” Archie grinned and shook his head. “You’re the worst liar ever, Adam.”

“So not true!” Adam protested. “I’m an awesome liar.”

“Yeah, there’s something to really be proud of,” Cook said and shook his head. “So, we’re here. What’s the what?”

Adam made a broad gesture towards Kris. “Behold the new Kris Allen!” he said.

Cook and Archie stared at Kris. “What’s new?” Archie asked and Adam’s shoulders drooped. Fucking jerks.

“Hey, nice hair,” Cook said and Kris scowled. “Someone dip you in paint?”

“You’re both assholes and should die,” Adam told them. “Kris has had a make-over in preparation for his date tomorrow night.”

Cook opened his mouth and Archie stepped gently on his foot. “Ow!” Cook glared at Archie. “What the fuck?”

“You were going to be inappropriate,” Archie said and Cook grinned.

“You know me so well, Archuleta.”

“I’ve been with you for five years, I bloody should,” Archie said. “So who’s the lucky guy?” he asked Kris.

Adam folded his arms. “Yeah, ask him,” he said.

Kris’ ears went pink. “Katy O’Connell,” he admitted and Adam got a perverse sense of satisfaction at the duplicate expressions of utter confusion on the David’s faces.

“A girl?” Cook asked.

Kris nodded. “I decided to experiment,” he told them. “These are my formative years, after all. I don’t want to get stuck in some homo-normative lifestyle.”

Adam gritted his teeth. Kris sounded so fucking reasonable it made him crazy. But Kris was never meant to be with a girl. He’d attracted boys like honey since he’d first broken his little red truck and handed it to Adam with his lower lip jutting out and a pitiful expression on his face at age five.

“That sounds like a reasonable idea,” Archie said.

Cook stared at his boyfriend as though he’d sprouted horns. “Sure, that’s reasonable,” he said with a snort. “The gayest boy in town,” Adam cleared his throat, “apart from Lame-bert here and he’s experimenting with a girl?”

“Hey!” Kris objected. “Brad is so much gayer than me.”

“Brad doesn’t count,” Cook dismissed the idea with a wave of his hand. “He’s a whole other species.”

Adam couldn’t help the laugh. Cook was totally right, of course. Brad had declared at thirteen that he was not a homo-sapien, but a homosexual. He’d refused to accept that homosexual was anything other than his species.

“I’m allowed to be bisexual!” Kris said.

“You’re allowed to wear leather chaps,” Cook said, “Doesn’t mean you should.”

“I like my leather chaps,” Adam muttered. They were fucking awesome. Except in summer. Then they were a method of torture.

“You’re a freak,” Cook told him. Adam flipped him off.

“So, why the girl date?” Archie asked, cutting to the root of it all.

Kris hunched his shoulders. “I just wanna,” he said and wouldn’t say anything more.

Adam decided to let it go. “He doesn’t have a clue about where to take her so I thought he could bring her here tomorrow night. Maybe you could set up a private booth, make it a little set apart, secluded.”

Archie nodded. “We could do that,” he said.

“The question is why would we?” Cook muttered and skipped out of the way when he spotted Archie’s foot moving again. “Stop doing that, you asshole,” he said.

“Then stop being such a douche,” Archie told him. “Right, what time should we have this set up for you?” he asked.

Adam looked at Kris who seemed to have become speechless. “Around seven-thirty?” he suggested.

“You guys,” Kris said, “you don’t have to…”

Archie held up a hand. “You’re our friend. This is a big deal for you obviously, so we’re going to be there for you.”

“Yeah,” Cook agreed, “for when it all goes to fucking hell in a heartbeat.”

“”Shut up,” Kris and Archie said at the same time. 

Adam took a breath and closed his eyes. It was getting all too real for him.

“Adam?” Kris asked, a warm hand on his arm. “You okay?”

Adam forced a quick smile. “Of course,” he said. “I’m just tired from all your crap today.”

Kris glared at him. “You did fuck-all,” he growled. “Just dropped me off and ran. Twice.”

“It was tiring,” Adam insisted. “All that whining and moaning and protesting.” He smiled again to remove the sting. “But we’re set up now so you’re good to go.”

He refused to meet Archie’s sympathetic gaze. It was fucking ridiculous living in this tiny fucking town with everyone knowing his fucking business. “Thanks, Cock.”

“Stop doing that,” Cook said.

“Stop breathing,” Adam told him.

“Guys,” Archie said and they looked over at him. “Honestly, are you five?”

“Maybe six,” Cook admitted and Adam laughed. 

*************

“So, um,” Kris was dancing around something as they drove back to the Allen house.

“Spit it out, Allen,” Adam said, stopping on the driveway.

“I’m not sure about some stuff,” Kris said.

“I’ll help you get ready tomorrow night,” Adam told him.

Kris frowned. “I can dress myself, thank you very much. Been doing it for years now.”

“And yet you’re still so very, very bad at it,” Adam said.

“Shut up,” Kris said.

“Make me,” Adam retorted.

“Kissing a girl,” Kris blurted and Adam froze.

“Uh,” he said. “Not exactly my area of expertise.”

“I don’t know how to kiss a girl,” Kris said.

“And I do?” Adam asked.

“You’re like the kissing king of the world,” Kris mumbled.

“I kiss **boys** , Kris!” Adam reminded him. “If you get to the kissing part of the evening, pretend you’re kissing a boy.”

“I haven’t really done a lot of kissing,” Kris confessed, slumping lower and lower in the seat.

“You’ve been out with every gay guy in town!” Adam heard his voice rising, but there was nothing to do about it now. It was going to keep going up until only dogs could hear him. “Twice!”

“Imnotaverygoodkisserivebeentold,” Kris’ voice was muffled in his hands as he covered his face.

“What?” Adam stared at him, sure he’d heard wrong.

Kris took a deep breath. “The feedback is that I’m a lousy kisser,” he said, looking at Adam with the eyes. 

Adam was putty in the face of the eyes. “You are shitting me,” he shook his head. “I don’t believe it.”

Kris shrugged. “You should ask around.”

“But all your exes still think you hung the fucking moon!” Adam still couldn’t get his head around the idea of Kris being a bad kisser.

“I’m a nice guy?” Kris offered and climbed out of the car. 

Adam followed him into the house, which appeared to be empty. Kris went into the kitchen and poured them each a glass of chocolate milk.

“How come you’ve never told me about this?” Adam demanded.

Kris snorted. “Sure, like I’m gonna tell my best friend that I kiss like a fish.”

Adam gave a startled giggle. “Oh my god, a fish?”

Kris blushed and rubbed the back of his neck. “That’s what I’ve been told,” he mumbled.

Adam leaned back against the counter. “How is this possible?” he asked. It felt like he’d stepped through the looking glass and the white rabbit had just fucked him.

“I don’t know!” Kris glared at him. “So are you gonna help me or not?”

“What do you want _me_ to do about it?” Adam frowned. 

“Oh for…!” Kris threw up his hands. “I want you to teach me how to kiss properly!” he yelled.

Adam’s brain shut down.

*************

 

Adam decided that discretion was the better part of valor and stayed home from school the next day.

Leila took one look at him and shook her head. “Honestly, Ad, grow a pair and ask that boy out.”

Adam put the pillow back over his face and moaned, “I want a new family.”

His mother was ruthless, “You’ve been pining over Kris from the moment you met him. Now stop being such a wuss and tell him how you feel.”

Adam turned away from her. “He’s my best friend and he asked me to teach him how to kiss!”

Leila laughed. “You’re so stupid. I swear if you had pigtails, Kris would be pulling them.” He turned back to face her.

“What are you talking about?”

“He’s trying to get your attention, honey and you’re just not biting.” Leila leaned down and stroked his forehead. “Now get up and go to school.”

“I’m sick,” Adam whined.

“In the head,” she told him and yanked the comforter off. “Now get up!”

Adam sat up. “What do you mean he’s trying to get my attention?” he demanded.

Leila rolled her eyes. “Honey, Kris has been crazy about you forever. You’re the moron who hasn’t done anything about it.”

Adam stared at her. “That’s not true,” he stated. He would have known if Kris liked him that way.

His mother turned to leave. “Yes it is,” she said. “I was right about Cook, wasn’t I?”

Adam remembered her telling him that Cook was in love with Archie about two years before he’d made his move. “Huh,” he said and brought his knees up, resting his chin on them. 

“Go to school,” Leila yelled over her shoulder.

Adam stayed in bed the entire day.

*************

There was a loud banging on the front door at about two-thirty. Adam had created a nest on the sofa with popcorn, iced tea and chocolate in close proximity. He’d decided to re-watch the last season of American Idol and pretend that he was one of the judges.

“That was an unfortunate song choice,” he told the girl on the screen, Kallie something. “You sound like a dying goose, so you certainly got your wish to be like a bird.” He snort-giggled into his popcorn and ignored the pounding.

“I know you’re there, Adam!” Kris bellowed through the mail slot.

“No, I’m not!” Adam shouted back and folded his arms across his chest.

“So who’s that talking to me?” Kris yelled.

 _Busted_ , Adam thought. He’d forgotten that Kris was a sneaky little shit. “My ghost,” he called and congratulated himself for thinking on his feet.

“You’re Jewish!” Kris retorted and rattled the door handle. “You don’t believe in ghosts!”

“Jew-ish,” Adam muttered to himself and stomped to the door. He flung it open. “What are you doing here?” he asked.

Kris glared at him, eyes narrowed. “You’re not sick,” he pointed out.

“I might be,” Adam hedged. Kris peered around him and saw Adam’s sofa-nest. 

“Hah!” Kris slipped inside and walked over to the evidence. “So not sick!” He indicated the junk food scattered across the coffee table.

“Comfort food,” Adam defended and went to sit back down, cuddling the bowl of popcorn close.

“What do you need comfort for?” Kris asked, sitting next to him, body slumping over and curving into Adam’s. 

“You and your great heterosexual experiment,” Adam said and felt Kris go rigid and pull away.

“You’re gonna have to let this go, man,” Kris scowled. “I’m allowed to go out with anyone I want to go out with. Deal with it.”

“And if I don’t?” Adam was a little scared of the answer.

Kris sighed. “Then I’ll kick your ass all over town until you sort your shit out,” he said.

Adam grinned. “Like you could take me,” he scoffed.

Kris flexed his muscles, “I’m tougher than I look,” he assured Adam and poked Adam’s thigh with his toe. “Plus, you fight like a girl.”

“I do not!” Adam felt mildly insulted.

“Dude, you’re too scared to mess up your nail polish to even try to hit me,” Kris mocked.

“I…” Adam closed his mouth. “When you’re right, you’re right,” he admitted. “But I can make you pay in other ways.”

Kris looked at him with raised eyebrows. “Is that right?” he asked. “Go on then, surprise me.”

And Adam kissed him.

Adam had often wondered what it would feel like to die. He thought maybe it sort of felt like this, his mouth on Kris’ and no response at all. He pulled back after a couple of seconds and cleared his throat.

“You’re right,” he said and his voice was totally not supposed to crack like that. “You _do_ kiss like a fish.”

Kris stared at him silently. Adam started panicking. “You wanted to learn how to kiss!” he reminded Kris.

“Huh,” Kris said eventually and he sounded a little surprised. “You’re pretty crap at the kissing thing yourself.”

Adam wondered what he’d done to deserve a best friend that pulled shit like this. “You’re a bonehead,” he told Kris.

“And you kiss like a…” Kris spluttered.

“A girl?” Adam suggested, snapping his teeth.

“Well,” Kris drawled and this was Kris Allen at his most hatefully sarcastic, “I’ve got nothing to compare it with so I’ll let you know later tonight, okay?”

“You’re such a nasty little man,” Adam told him.

“Takes one to know one,” Kris sniped back.

“I am an excellent kisser,” Adam said.

“Couldn’t prove it by me,” Kris shrugged.

“Should we try that again?” Adam asked.

Kris’ shoulders moved a little, another little nonchalant shrug that was guaranteed to piss Adam off. He’d had years of practice at it after all. “Whatever,” Kris lifted his chin. “It could only be an improvement.”

Fucking little fucker who liked to fuck with…Adam took Kris’ face in his hands and leaned down, mouth slightly open and kissed him again.

It was fucking Armageddon. Stars, bells, whistles, lightning, the whole enchilada exploded in Adam’s brain as he registered that this was Kris he was kissing. Soft mouth, warm breath, damp tongue and then Kris made a small noise that broke Adam.

He pulled Kris in against him, moved one hand down to press against the small of his back, pushing Kris’ body tightly against his. Kris’ hands flapped a little uselessly for a moment and then came up. Adam would be embarrassed later about the pathetic whine he made when Kris’ fingers slid into the hair at the back of his neck.

He pulled away when he felt Kris melting against him. This was not a good idea. At all. He scooted to the far end of the sofa. “You just stay right there!” he ordered Kris. Who hadn’t moved.

The little shit made a noise and looked pathetically at him like some sort of baby seal or something. Something that was begging Adam to take him home and keep him forever with big brown eyes and pouty red lips.

“You should be perfectly capable of kissing Katy,” Adam declared and he totally wasn’t shaking.

Kris blinked slowly and then flushed. He got to his feet and glared at Adam. “You are such a hypocrite!” His fists were clenched at his sides. “You treat me like you treat that stupid stuffed donkey you’ve had since you were a baby.”

“It’s a unicorn,” Adam corrected him.

“I don’t give a fuck if it’s a fucking dragon!” Kris roared. “I’m not your personal chew-toy! You don’t get to tell me who I can be with and what I can do with them. You’re not my boyfriend!” 

The anger came out of leftfield and Adam’s heart shattered into tiny little pieces. “Get out,” he whispered.

Kris must have realized that he’d just stepped right over the line they’d always kept drawn in their own little sandbox. “Adam,” his voice was rough. “I’m…”

“No,” Adam stood up then as well. “You don’t get to say sorry to me for talking to me like that and expect me to forgive you.” He bit his lip. “I know I’m a drama queen and I know sometimes I might be a little possessive of you, but you have no right…” his voice shook, “…you can’t just…”

The door opened and Neil came in. He took one look at them and said to Kris. “Fuck off out of my house.” It was the nearest thing to a declaration of love from Adam’s brother and Kris knew it.

“Adam…” Kris tried again but Adam just shook his head.

“Have fun tonight,” he said to Kris and started clearing up the mess on the coffee table. Neil slammed the door behind Kris as he left.

“What the fuck was that about?” Neil asked. “You and your boyfriend having a lover’s tiff?”

“Not now, okay man?” Adam begged. He must have looked pretty awful because Neil headed up to his room without another word.

Adam hated the entire world.

*************

Seven came around far too quickly that night and Adam dragged himself over to Cook’s bar.

He slumped on one of the stools at the bar and dropped his head onto the smooth wooden surface.

“Hit me with the strongest shit you’ve got,” he told the counter.

“You’re eighteen,” Cook told him. “I’d lose my license.”

“I don’t care,” Adam moaned. “I need to drink so that I’m pleasantly hazy and not watching the date from hell happening in the corner.”

“That reminds me,” Cook said. “Why _are_ you here?”

“I told Kris I’d be available for any assistance he’d need,” Adam said and he honestly couldn’t keep the whine from his voice.

“You’re a moron,” Cook said.

“Stop picking on him,” Archie remonstrated, hopping up onto the stool next to Adam. “He’s being a good friend.”

Cook snorted, “He’s being stupid.”

“Cook…” Archie sounded serious. Cook gave another derisive sounded and moved away.

“Can you buy me a drink?” Adam asked, lifting his head and trying the puppy eyes on Archie.

Archie, however, was the king of the puppy eyes and therefore immune. “No, you’re not legal,” he said and poured them each a glass of orange juice.

“Cook’s right,” Adam stated after the first sip. “I _am_ a moron.”

Archie’s smile was gentle. “You’re a walking cliché, Adam, not a moron.”

“Same thing,” Adam muttered, staring gloomily into his glass.

“No, it isn’t,” Archie insisted. “But I just wish you’d tell Kris how you feel about him.”

“I kissed him today,” Adam confessed.

“What?” Archie tugged him around to look at him. “Are you serious?”

“Yeah, he told me he was a bad kisser and needed some tips.” Adam shook his head. “So of course I kissed him.”

“God,” Archie put his head in his hands. “Cook _is_ right. You’re an idiot.”

Adam scowled. “I’m going to swap you guys for new friends.”

Archie heaved a sigh. “Short of hanging a sign around his neck saying ‘I’m gay for Adam Lambert’, I’m not sure what more Kris can do to tell you he’s interested in you.”

Adam stared at him. “He’ll be here in a couple of minutes. On a date. With a _**girl**_!” Adam reminded him.

“Honestly, you can’t cure stupid,” Archie said in disgust and left Adam at the counter, staring morosely into his juice.

“Need some company?” Adam looked up to see Brad and Allison watching him. He hadn’t seen them arrive.

“Have I told you that I love you?” he smiled at them gratefully.

“Buy me shiny things and I’ll believe you,” Alli said and they perched on either side of him.

“How about some orange juice instead?” Adam offered.

Brad mumbled something about sacrilege but beamed at Cook when he handed them each a glass. “Hey there Cookie,” he purred.

“Tinkerbell,” Cook nodded at Brad.

“When are you going to leave Archie for me?” Brad fluttered his eyelashes. Archie, who’d joined Cook behind the counter rolled his eyes. This was a very old, very lame conversation.

Cook smirked. “When you and I are the last two people left on earth… and even then it’s not certain.”

Brad clutched his chest. “I’m wounded,” he declared, quite obviously still perfectly fine.

“You’re an idiot,” Cook told him with a grin.

“I could be _your_ idiot though,” Brad cajoled.

“Will someone pass me a barf bag?” Alli asked. 

“And there’s Kris,” Archie said to him in a soft voice, looking behind Adam. Adam sort of hated the look of kind pity on his face. He turned slowly on the bar stool and watched Kris walk in with Katy O’Connell.

She looked pretty. For a girl. Her hair was bright gold and bounced with health and vibrancy. She could have been a shampoo commercial, Adam thought and tried to remind himself that he was all about the high road here. He’d promised to be here for Kris and he was. Here, that is.

Kris looked over towards the bar and Adam could see that he was nervous. When he spotted Adam though, his shoulders loosened a little and it made Adam’s stupid heart go warm and gooey. He was such a fucking loser.

Kris said something to Katy and then started to walk towards Adam. Katy reached out and put a perfectly manicured hand on his arm and he stopped.

Adam had never felt hate for another human being before in his entire life. But he hated Katy O’Connell so much right then that he thought he might actually explode.

Katy smiled at Danielle who came over to show them to their booth. Cook and Archie had done good, Adam thought. They’d hung up a red and white check cloth as a semi-curtain to keep the booth private while still leaving the view of the stage open. Kris and Katy disappeared behind the cloth and Adam whimpered.

“I can’t believe you’re such a pussy,” Brad told him. 

“I am. I know I am,” Adam moaned.

“If you’d made your move when Kris broke up with Cale then you two could have been having the romantic date,” Alli pointed out. Adam thought she was being unnecessarily cruel.

“Support not abuse, please,” he told her.

She snorted. “You’ve been crazy about him forever, I just don’t understand why…” She stopped when Brad shook his head. “Fine, support coming right up,” she said and rubbed his back.

“Here,” Cook slid him a small glass of something. “I never gave this to you and if you tell anyone, I will climb into your room at night and color your hair orange.”

Adam took the glass and sniffed it. It smelled like lemons. “What is it?” he asked. 

“Courage,” Cook told him and Adam took the shot in one gulp. His eyes about popped out of his head as the burn hit the back of his throat.

“Oh my god,” he wheezed. “Are you trying to kill me?”

Cook cocked his head to one side. “You’re the brainiac who’s going to be serenading your true love while he’s out on a date with a girl,” he pointed out.

Adam scowled. “I think you destroyed my vocal chords,” he rasped.

“Toughen up, dude,” Cook told him. “You’re on next.” He pointed to the little stage and Adam’s heart hit the bottom of his stomach and then swooped back up to his throat. 

“I’m gonna be sick,” he informed them.

“Move your ass and sing,” Brad shoved him off his stool and Adam wobbled to the stage.

“What was that shit?” he hissed to Cook.

“You’ll thank me later,” Cook called and Adam decided that as soon as he graduated, he was moving to New York. It didn’t matter that he’d been accepted to UCLA for their advanced music program. He so needed new friends.

“So, um…” he stood in front of the mic and the room settled down. “I’m performing here as a gift for a friend of mine.” He would not look over at Kris.

He would not look over at Kris.

He would not look over at Kris.

He looked over at Kris and he was beaming from ear to ear, completely ignoring the girl next to him.

“He was a little nervous about tonight so I’m here to help him relax.” Gaining confidence at the sight of the smile Kris only ever used for Adam, he straightened his shoulders. “We’re going to start with ‘Let’s Get it On’ by the immortal Barry White.”

The gale of laughter from the bar counter made him glare over at Cook, who was leaning against Archie, tears streaming down his face. Alli just shook her head at him, and Brad hid his face in his hands.

The music started and Adam was grateful that he’d already talked about this with Tommy Joe and Isaac. He glanced over quickly and TJ nodded encouragingly at him.

He started singing and just closed his eyes. There was no way he was going to be able to look at Kris while singing a song about sex.

He kept his eyes tightly shut and eventually finished the song. He’d never been so happy to hear a final note. 

He opened his eyes and smiled at the bewildered audience. “Let’s kick this up a notch, shall we?” he asked and started singing ‘Born to be Wild’, strutting across the little stage as though he owned it. And for those few moments, he did.

He ended to a round of applause and several cat-calls that made him grin. He knew they came from Brad, Cook and Archie but still…a guy had his pride. He resolutely kept his gaze away from the table where Kris was sitting with Katy. He obviously had masochistic tendencies, but watching them make eyes at each other was a bit too much to take.

“Okay, everyone, this is a three-song concert so I’m willing to take requests for my last song of the night.” He looked around the room and waited.

“How about ‘Crazy’?” a voice called and Adam knew exactly who it was. He allowed his gaze to turn to where Kris was sitting and realized that he wasn’t staring into Katy’s eyes as he’d expected. Instead, Kris’ gaze was fixed firmly on him.

“Sure,” Adam agreed and wanted to kick the little shit who knew exactly what he was doing. Adam’s voice hitched a bit as he started the song that he and Kris had always called their anthem. His voice gained strength as he started singing. 

_I remember when, I remember  
I remember when I lost my mind  
There was something so pleasant about that place  
Even your emotions have an echo in so much space _

He chanced a look over at Kris again. Katy glared daggers at him. 

 

_And when you're out there without care  
Yeah, I was out of touch  
But it wasn't because I didn't know enough  
I just knew too much_

He looked at Alli and Brad who both gave him a thumbs-up. They knew his history. They had his back.

_Come on now, who do you  
Who do you, who do you, who do you think you are?  
Ha ha ha, bless your soul  
You really think you're in control?_

_Well, I think you're crazy  
I think you're crazy  
I think you're crazy  
Just like me_

He suddenly got mad at himself. He was Adam Fucking Lambert and he was fucking fabulous and worthy of an amazing guy who loved him. Kris Allen was not the only gay fish in the sea.

_My heroes had the heart  
To lose their lives out on a limb  
And all I remember  
Is thinking, I want to be like them_

_Ever since I was little  
Ever since I was little it looked like fun  
And it's no coincidence I've come  
And I can die when I'm done_

He started a little hip shimmy and caught Tommy Joe’s eye. TJ winked at him and Adam sidled over to him, draped an arm across his shoulders and sang the last chorus.

_But maybe I'm crazy  
Maybe you're crazy  
Maybe we're crazy  
Probably_

TJ leaned into him, face pressed into Adam’s neck as he hit the last note and Adam felt him lick his sweaty skin. He started to pull away but stopped when TJ asked, “When you going to give another guy a chance, man?” Adam looked down at Tommy. “If he doesn’t know how amazing you are, how ‘bout giving someone else the opportunity to show you?”

Adam was floored. “I didn’t know you played for my team,” he admitted, ignoring the applause from the crowd.

“I’m adaptable,” TJ shrugged. “Besides, you’re gorgeous.” He said it so matter-of-fact that Adam blushed.

“You want to go out with me?” Tommy was older, in college and totally cute and Adam thought that he might be fun to hang with.

“I know I’d be a poor second, but you have to start somewhere,” TJ said.

Adam didn’t like the sound of that. “I don’t want you to feel like you’re a substitute,” he said.

TJ grinned and it made Adam’s stomach do a little dip. “I don’t mind,” he whispered and pressed a soft kiss to Adam’s mouth.

Adam did a sterling fish impersonation as he watched TJ and Isaac leave the stage.

“Since when are you and Tommy Joe an item?” Kris’ angry question brought him back to the moment and Adam turned to look at Kris.

“Excuse me?” he asked.

“Why didn’t you tell me that you had a new boyfriend?” Kris asked.

“TJ is not my boyfriend,” Adam told him and then frowned. “Besides, aren’t you supposed to be on a date? I mean I serenaded you and shit.”

“Katy had to go to the restroom,” Kris told him. “Don’t change the subject, what’s going on with you and Tommy?”

“He asked me out and I’m thinking about saying yes,” Adam said and he used his best ‘fuck-you’ expression as he stared at Kris. “Oh, look, your date’s back.” And he left Kris standing there and went to join his friends at the bar.

“I love the smell of testosterone in the evening,” Brad cackled when he sat down.

“What?” Adam looked at him.

“Petal, that little pocket gay was so jealous. It was practically oozing out of his pores,” Brad said.

“No way,” Adam said.

“Yes way,” Alli insisted. “I was watching Kris while you were getting your flirt on with TJ and if looks could kill Tommy Joe would be a puddle of goo on the stage.”

Adam glanced over his shoulder and saw that Kris and Katy were leaving. “I think you’re mistaken,” he shook his head.

“I know jealous, Adam, and Kris has a Hulk-sized case of green for you,” Brad assured him.

“It doesn’t matter,” Adam said and turned back to look at Brad. “TJ asked me out.”

Brad started laughing. Adam felt mildly insulted. “Oh petal, I love you and everything but the entire universe knows that Isaac and Tommy are fucking each other like rabid bunnies.”

Adam gaped at him. “What?”

“TJ was probably trying to do you a favor in his own misguided, adorable way,” Brad said. “He probably noticed the amount of attention Kris was _not_ paying his date.”

“You’re not making any sense, Brad,” Adam told him.

Alli patted his arm. “Let me break it down for you, sweetie. Isaac and TJ are a couple. TJ was trying to help you out by making Kris jealous. It seems like it worked. The end.”

Adam tried to get his head around this. “But Tommy Joe kissed me.” This was important information.

“TJ kisses everyone,” Cook told him. “You’re not that special.”

Adam felt mildly insulted. “Hey!”

“Sorry,” Cook said, not looking sorry at all.

“I see the little person has left,” TJ said from somewhere behind him.

Adam turned. “You were playing me?” he asked.

TJ shrugged one shoulder. “I thought you might need a little help.”

“You _played_ me?” Adam repeated and Alli giggled next to him. “I hate you all; it’s fucking official.”

“You’re not as subtle as you think,” Isaac said, leaning against Tommy. Adam wanted to kick his own ass. Of course TJ and Isaac were a couple. Adam’s gaydar had probably been off-center for years.

“What’s that supposed to mean?” Adam asked. “I’m totally subtle.”

“You really aren’t,” Alli told him.

Adam looked at Brad who shook his head. Both Cook and Archie did the same. “He can’t know how I feel,” Adam gasped. 

“Um…” Brad patted his other arm. It felt condescending. “Kris is as stupid as you are.” It _was_ totally condescending.

“I’m going home,” Adam declared and suited actions to words.

*************

He stopped his car in front of his house and put his head on the wheel. When had everything gone from bad to fucked up? Maybe the first time he’d seen Kris or the first time he’d hugged Kris or maybe…

“Hey, Adam” the rapping against his window made him shriek a little. It was late; he’d watched _IT_ the night before, it was understandable that he got a fright.

Kris was staring at him through the glass and Adam pushed his door open. “What are you doing here?” he asked. “I thought you’d still be with Katy.”

Kris shook his head slowly. “I dropped her at home and told her that I didn’t think it was going to work,” he said.

“Oh?” Adam asked, utterly unconvincing in his attempted nonchalance. “Why’s that?”

Kris made a sound that sounded suspiciously like a growl. “Because I wasn’t into her,” he told Adam.

“Really? I thought you seemed totally into her,” he said. He _had_ when Adam had looked.

“You’re such a liar,” Kris told him. 

Adam got out of the car. “I am not!” he put his hands on his hips. “You seemed to be having a really good time.”

Kris snorted. “Oh please, you know I was miserable.”

“No I don’t!” Adam insisted. “Besides, I thought this was what you wanted.” He was so confused. Sometimes that seemed to be his default setting around Kris.

“Because the person that _I_ want doesn’t want me!” Kris shouted.

“Shut up,” Adam put his palm over Kris’ mouth. “You’re going to wake up the whole neighborhood.”

“I don’t care!” Kris was right in his face, breathing hard. “You’re so dumb, oh my god, you’re making me nuts.”

This was so unfair! “ _I’m_ making you nuts?” Adam growled. “You’re the Johnny Come Lately who wants to get his hetero on after an entire lifetime of being gay!”

“I had to know if it was the gay thing or the me-thing,” Kris said. 

Adam frowned. “The me-thing?”

Kris sighed and slumped against the car. “I needed to figure something out for myself.”

Adam leaned next to him, shoulder to shoulder. “And did you figure it out?” He wasn’t sure if he wanted the answer.

“Katy’s a nice girl,” Kris said and Adam snorted.

“Please, she tried to kill me with her laser beam eyes every time she looked at me tonight.”

Kris laughed. “It didn’t help that you looked like…” he waved a hand at Adam.

“Like what?” Adam nudged his shoulder. 

“Like you do,” Kris mumbled, not looking at him.

Adam grinned. “You like?” he indicated the tight black jeans and the red t-shirt.

“Shut up,” Kris muttered, “You know you’re gorgeous; stop fishing for compliments.”

Adam’s heart bounced in his chest. “You think I’m gorgeous?” he whispered.

Kris looked at him, brows furrowed. “You know I do,” he said. “I’ve told you so many times.”

Adam shook his head. “No,” he stated, “you’ve never said that to me.”

“What?” Kris turned to face him. “Of course I have.”

“No, Kris,” Adam insisted. “Trust me, I’d remember that.”

“I…” Kris stopped. “I guess I thought you knew.”

Adam’s throat closed. This felt so new, so fragile. He was so scared he’d fuck it up. “I didn’t,” he said.

“Huh,” Kris heaved a sigh. “Well, you’re the most amazingly beautiful person I know, inside and out, just in case I forget to tell you again.” He grinned. “Except when you’re making me go shopping.”

Adam put a hand on Kris’ arm. “Don’t joke about this,” he begged. “It’s too important.”

Kris sobered. “Yeah, I guess it is.”

“So did you figure your shit out?” Adam asked after a few minutes silence.

Kris nodded. “I’m gay, not into girls at all.”

“I could have told you that without all this crap tonight,” Adam muttered.

“But then, I wouldn’t have had the pleasure of a three-song Adam Lambert concert,” Kris reminded him. “Thanks for being there, man. It made everything go a bit better.” 

Adam wanted to beat him over the head with the tire iron. Kris was a dumbass.

“I can’t do this anymore,” Adam said, resigned.

“What?” Kris looked at him and something in Adam’s face must have clued him in. “Adam?”

“I want to hate you so much right now,” Adam told him and he felt achy and miserable and near tears.

Kris moved, stood in front of him and put his hands on his forearms. “Adam, I’m sorry. I didn’t know.”

“Yeah, well, you’re stupid.” Adam sucked in a breath over the lump in his throat. “I always knew you were stupid about feelings and shit.”

“Why didn’t you tell me?” Kris asked. There was something in Kris’ expression that gave Adam hope.

“You never asked,” Adam shrugged.

“You’re a dumbass,” Kris told him and leaned into him, body pressed tightly against him.

Adam’s arms came up automatically, found the curve of Kris’ hips and he held on. “That’s not true,” Adam protested but something like joy was bubbling up inside him.

“All you ever had to do was say something,” Kris told him and he reached up to kiss him.

Kris pulled away at the last second. “This means we’re a couple, right?” he narrowed his gaze. “I mean, it’s you and me now, for real?”

Adam tugged him closer until not even air could come between them. “You’re going to be a lot of work, Allen,” he said with a grin.

“Please, you’re the most high maintenance person I know… and I know Brad,” Kris scoffed. 

Adam knew they were going to be okay. They were still Kris and Adam, only with extra dressing. On the side.

Adam sank into the kiss. It was perfect and not at all fishy.

The end.

**Author's Note:**

> Epic artwork by the always fabulous xsilverdreamsx - go tell her how fab she is here - http://xsilverdreamsx.livejournal.com/31899.html - cool album download here - http://xsilverdreamsx.livejournal.com/32241.html
> 
> Beta by my darling inbetweencabs & sbb23 who are not responsible in any way for anything sucking.


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